One year ago, my little one and I came home alone for the first time. Daddy had left for his first 2 week shift in Michigan the day before. It was the first time I was solely responsible for every part of the day. Christmas was looming, but it didn’t feel like it.
The house, like my heart, felt empty.
I remember asking myself HOW I was going to do this. Carry the responsibility. “Celebrate.”
We didn’t know how long we’d be doing this 2 weeks gone, 6 days at home thing. And I was terrified. What would happen to our marriage? What would happen to our little one as she grew? And for starters, how would we celebrate Chrismas without Daddy?
This was the first time in either of our lives that we lived through shift work. The kind that doesn’t care about holidays and traditions and families. A job that has to get done. No.matter.what.
I had heard from my Dad that in times like these we should just remember that it’s “just another day” and we could celebrate whenever. And though we all went through the motions, my heart still felt empty last Christmas.
In the past year, we have spent all but one holiday and 2 birthdays and an anniversary apart. It’s never been easy, but we figured it out. The same went for everyday life- we figured it all out a day at a time.
A month ago I left my job and we left our house and hometown. I’ve been staying with our little one waiting for a job to come while bunking at the inlaws’ house.
This is a new challenge. A few hopeful jobs haven’t panned out, but I keep trying. We’ve been working hard to get a place of our own, and if all goes according to plan we will soon. I’m admittedly not cut out for the stay at home life (bless those who are), and neither is my little social butterfly, but we are both taking it day by day before life takes off again.
2016 was hard. I learned just how strong and resilient and independent I have the ability to be. And our little family learned how to squeeze the hell out of 6 days. And now I, mastering(surviving) this place of In Between. I’ve never been “good” at limbo. (I mean, who doesn’t want total and complete control of life?!) But for now, it just Is.
Even though life feels really uncomfortable and messy, my Heart is full in the fact that we are together this Christmas… and beyond.